CPE is already making me feel emotional. I find myself closer to being on the verge of tears more often. I was in a situation where I felt as though someone was stepping on my toes. Instead of my normal role of the eyes and inner frustration, I stewed. When I talked to someone about it I got chocked up, which is not typical.
I admit that chemically my hormones are going through a transitional phase from one medication to another, so I understand that this is a major contributing factor. Whatever rational scientific explanation I give myself, it's not enough to save me from my paranoia. Is CPE going to make me crazy? 6 weeks in will I be able to hold it together? How does one begin to process the feelings and events that I will see in the next 2 months?
I am hoping that blogging is part of this process, thinking about each day and putting it out there. However, I understand the risks of journalling for public consumption, particularly when I'm dealing with a hospital and the private info of patients. I don't know if this is the best medium for me to share my experiences. However, I think it's also important that my experiences be shared. Sharing my experiences is beneficial for me, but I hope it is helpful to you too. Not only do I have the exceedingly high hopes that my theological questions will encourage others to ponder them as well, but I also hope that you'll learn from my stumbles. I want this to be journey that people can go on with me. My hope is that the articulation of my feelings throughout this process can resonate with others and help them to become more self-aware or introspective.
So here is my big theological/ ethical question: Is open honesty helpful? I secretly hope that by being an open book people will be encouraged to be open too. Does that even happen? Is 100% honesty only beneficial for me? Can it harm others? How does my role as Pastor inform this idea? Is it my responsibility to be open with my experiences as a faith leader? Is there a limit to that?
Can blogging about myself and my experiences be ministry?
** These questions are rhetorical but comments are welcome.
1 comment:
Honesty is critical to your CPE experience - but, what do you mean by 100% honesty? And, what context are you thinking about? Sharing is important, and I think you'll find it quite helpful. On the other hand, you might think about sharing different things on your blog than you share with your peers - and different than you share with patients. I realize that this is not a simple response; but you already know that ministry isn't a simple activity. Blessings!
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