baptism by fire

 Wow! What to say about the second day.  Baptism by fire is definitely my style because I learned and saw a lot today. While I'm still struggling to know the acronyms for the units I'm in rooms with families praying. I really don't know what to think about all of this or how to begin processing it. It was a sad day, but it was also kind of exciting. There are a lot of odd emotions. I was excited to see a baptism, but not under these conditions. So that's an odd emotion to process. 


In addition to seeing somethings that 'normal' people don't see (dead bodies) theological issues have already come up. If someone wants a baptism is it ethical for me to say, 'Sorry I'm not allowed to do that' especially if it is towards the end of someones life? Or where's the line between doing what the patient needs and holding on to your own spiritual integrity? Do you pray for a miracle? for God to bring someone back to life? Can you pray something that you don't believe if it's a pastoral care issue? I even had a hard time with 'trespass and those who trespass against us'. It is inauthentic to say something that I wouldn't normally say to appease those around me? The one thing I've learned thus far is that there are rarely answers to my questions. I will have to figure out things on my own. I'm not really comforted by that, I'd rather have some baseline and then figure out what works. 


Tonight was relatively quiet and I learned a lot. I also realized that even though I feel completely awkward, this is all do able. Nothing has been presented that I've thought, "I can't do that". Time actually goes by quickly and it's interesting and not horrible. Even though I saw  some pretty sad and messed up things today, it was a good day. I am grateful for an opportunity to learn in this environment and with such wonderful people.