Advent Already?

Where in the world has this year/semester/month gone? It's December, my window is open, I've worn flip flops all weekend and I am not prepared for finals. This is just getting weird. So after my last experiment with trying to pray every day, which kinda worked. I've also been given the task of reflecting on Scripture every day during Advent. Discipline is not my thing... and I'm pretty sure that's obvious by now. Here are my thoughts based on Scripture.

Joel 2:12-13

12 Yet even now, says the LORD , 

return to me with all your hearts, 

with fasting, with weeping, and with sorrow; 

13 tear your hearts 

and not your clothing. 

Return to the LORD your God, 

for he is merciful and compassionate, 

very patient, full of faithful love, 

and ready to forgive. 

So I've been avoiding a lot of things lately. I've been worried a lot and not sleeping well. To avoid my overactive head, I've been watching a ridiculous amount of TV in bed (Sons of Anarchy). I'm not reaching out to people, I'm pretty much avoiding the world. I'm definitely avoiding the work that I have to do within the next two weeks. I was able to pray for a week, then I just got busy and didn't make it a priority. This is nothing new. I know it may sound odd, but committing to God daily is hard. I've made my decision to give God my life, or a part of my life. God has my future and my career, I've turned those over. I still try to take it back every now and then, but God can have those things. This every day stuff is hard. I think about God all the time. In classes, while doing homework, even when I'm just sitting around. I think about God, but never talk TO God.


My relationship with God is much better in the abstract, where I can think and rationalize. But when it comes to actually having a conversation or trying to work at our relationship, it becomes something on the to do list. Praying and talking to God has become an obligation, not a desire. I don't know how to fix that. I want to talk more with God, but in the moment of life I am simply just too busy.


This passage for me is a sign of grace. I am super busy with many things, and I'm not doing any of them well. Today, that really hit me. I am doing a lot, but nothing is really working out, and that's largely because I've taken on too much. There's another key factor that always seems to slip my mind. If I was more in tune with God, maybe it wouldn't be like this. I recognize that when I try to do things my way, I mess things up. But these vereses remind me that God knows that sometimes I suck at life, and yet still wants a relationship with me. I blow off God for extra sleep or a new episode and that's okay. God forgives me and wants me to keep trying, so that I will do.